Changing Beliefs

My friend Jill had introduced me to Khalil Gilbran’s work a few years prior to when I lost my husband. Every night I prayed that this heartache would carve a deeper well while reading these words...

“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

-Khalil Gilbran

I prayed prayers of gratitude for the love I would be able to receive because of this. I wasn't sure exactly how yet but I knew my life was about to change in a million beautiful ways. An article I’d read on Thich Nhat Hanh a few years before weighed heavy on my mind. 

“If you take a handful of salt and pour it into a small bowl of water, the water in the bowl will be too salty to drink. But if you pour the same amount of salt into a large river, people will still be able to drink the river's water. If your heart is small, one unjust word or act will make you suffer. But if your heart is large, if you have understanding and compassion, that word or deed will not have the power to make you suffer.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

Every spare moment of every day, I held my rose quartz while repeating those words. Constantly Burning sage and Palo Santo while visualizing myself morphing into an ocean, I refused to believe that life would harden my heart. Needing to believe that I could become capable of containing that sorrow, I worked hard around the clock to stay open.

My friend Johnny told me something during that time that became a mantra. He said that the things that we go through soften the edges of our hearts revealing a beautiful shining crystal beneath it all. So I started imagining I was mining for gems. I felt broken in every way but somehow knew I wasn't beyond repair.

I began to look at the cracks in my foundation as opportunities much like in Kintsugi. If you’re not familiar, it’s a centuries-old Japanese art of fixing pottery. This method celebrates each object’s unique history by emphasizing its fractures and breaks instead of hiding or disguising them. In fact, it often makes the repaired piece even more beautiful than the original. Revitalizing it with a new look gives it a second life. Sign me up for that, I thought.

Each piece of my old belief system felt like a piece of sunburnt flesh that I was eager to peel away. Shame. Fear. Doubt. None of those things seemed to be serving me anymore. I knew I had to let them go if I wanted to be free. Life was too hard already. I knew I had to clear space in my mind if I wanted to survive. Those things would have to go.