Finding Joy In Sorry
“Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”
- Joseph Campbell
The day my husband died turned into a slumber party with my friends turned family. All I wanted to do was watch Star Wars with everyone. After a long night of Tito's and Xanax, our crew of mourners was standing around like zombies. As if by magic, a familiar sound cut through the air & someone shouted "ICE CREAM TRUCK!" We fumbled out the door towards that familiar jingle. The fog from the lack of sleep lifted. Our eyes were still swollen from the crying but the overwhelming sadness paused. Even though the previous 24 hours were a jumbled blur, I knew I would never forget this moment. It’s when I knew everything would be okay. For one shining moment we all got to be kids again. We found our innocence as we stood in the cul de sac laughing as we ate our treats. There were no worries. There was a lightness in the air. We were only focused on the task at hand, enjoying our ice cream and the company. Best friends make everything better.
Lee remembers this as the first time in 36 hours I had laughed or really smiled. He said that I put on a brave face by smiling for our students. He said that I smiled for friends and family who rallied around me. He said that this smile was different though. He said this smile was for no one else but me so he knew this smile was real. The ominous feeling of being stuck in that house lifted for a precious few minutes. I had all five senses working again for the first time. Surrounded by friends in a circle all eating ice cream in the sun. Under better circumstances, this would have been a wonderful afternoon. Somehow I knew at that moment it still was.
Have you ever had ice cream the day after the most horrible day of your life? I recommend it with my whole heart. Sharing simple joys helps you realize you’re not alone. The medium doesn’t matter. What matters is intention. That’s the everyday magic that we make. Taking the time to appreciate the little things is the greatest game-changer on earth.
A large number of suicide victims see their life as something beyond their control. They don't feel that the conditions in their life can change and see “mistakes'' as unforgivable. They have a hard time believing that anything good can ever happen to them and feel undeserving of the goodness in life. Gratitude for the little moments, those ice cream truck moments, is what keeps you going. Finding thankfulness in what you have makes up for the things you do not. Those silver lining moments are what get you through the day.