LIFE UPDATE
Anyone else feeling the weight of grief lately?
It’s been a whole year we’ve been into this mess.
All the things that could’ve, would’ve, should’ve happened have been swirling around my brain on an endless loop for way too long alongside everything that actually did. Honestly, I’m over it all. I have to let it go because I just can’t carry it anymore.
I’m ready to let go of all of it to create space for more everyday magic. I want to be able to smile at strangers again without wondering if one of us is giving the other corona. I want to be able to see my friends. And hug people. That’s the thing I miss the most.
For an entire year now, I’ve been wearing a mask inside my house in all the common areas. My mom had a heart attack & stroke the year I moved to Atlanta. A lot of the time I lived there was spent traveling back and forth to take care of her. So we moved in together back in Charlotte when the pandemic hit. It was just too hard to live separately anymore for all the reasons. I’ve prepared meals and done laundry with a mask on for a year. It’s completely worth it but that doesn’t make it any less exhausting. This week my mom gets her second vaccine so I’m stoked to be almost done with this part of the journey. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still taking it very seriously. Just excited for this little win. As we all know, being a human was extremely exhausting in 2020 so I completely stopped updating this site. My intention is to change that starting now.
All I know is that I just finished the rough draft of my first book. I’m in the editing process now and hating it. It’s taken me three years to get this far.
Here’s the outline if you’re interested…
Woke Truly Fantastic
Finding Meaning In Unexpected Places
Introduction
This will start with a trigger warning.
I’ll also introduce you to ACES, Thich Nhat Hanh, Myers-Briggs & the Enneagram. My ACES score is a 10 so I feel like I need a warning label.
CANCEL EVERYTHING
This chapter is about how I faced my worst nightmare. Here I’ll tell you about the day I lost my husband to suicide.
BORN TO BE WILD
This chapter is about what happens when chaos + cosmic intention collide. Here I’ll tell you about how I was born into chaos in Hawaii, where I came from in West Virginia, what it was like growing up on the road then getting hit by a car and told I’d never walk again.
GIMME SHELTER
This chapter is about stepping up to the adventure. Here I’ll tell you about how shared trauma bound me to my late husband instantly, the storms we faced together, the magic we were able to create for others and the meaning we found in our pain.
FINDING JOY IN SORROW
This chapter is about finding the magic within the madness. Here I’ll tell you all about ice cream magic, finding my therapist, my spiritual journey, and my Sugarfina Rainbow Glow Up.
LOOK FOR THE HELPERS
This chapter is about the people who will accompany you on the journey. Here’s where I tell you all the ways that the people closest to me feel like oxygen, sunlight, water & rainbows.
COMMUNITY IS KEY
This chapter is about figuring out who can be trusted. Here’s where I tell you all about the life-changing magic of community.
HELPING OTHERS FINISH WELL
This chapter is about approaching destiny knowing you aren’t alone in anything. Here’s where I tell you about my grandparents, my mom, my second family the Gruver’s, and finishing the Little District record.
PERMISSION TO SAY GOODBYE
This chapter is about the pivotal moments when we let go of the past to choose peace in the present moment. Here’s where I share about leaving my dad, letting go of what’s not meant for me, returning my love to the universe, and moving to Atlanta to get right with God.
PERMISSION TO FEEL
This chapter is about taking the keys to your life back. Here’s where I share about Kacey Musgraves as my spirit guide, finding out I don’t have Epilepsy anymore (and maybe never did) after living with the diagnosis for 25 years, traveling to Paris then Morocco, and realizing I was capable of love.
PERMISSION TO CHANGE PLANS
This chapter is about beginning your return home recognizing you’re capable of mastering the journey. Here’s where I share about how I went to Plum Village to find someone with a similar story, got a message from the universe in Lisbon, returned to Marrakesh, and the magical shame melting golden bathtub I found there.
EXISTING IN THE SPACE BETWEEN
This chapter is about what happens on the long road home. Here’s where I share about learning to feel good in my body, learning to feel safe in the world, learning to listen to God everyday, and learning exactly what I want from relationships.
LETTING GO OF FEAR
This chapter is about the final brush with chaos and how I decided to choose myself. Here’s where I share with you how I learned to trust myself, the intervention + reset that happened early last year, realizing I am enough, and the gift of surviving your worst nightmare.
MEANT TO BE
This chapter is about self-realization. Here’s where I share how I learned to love myself and realize I was made for this, how mindfulness has transformed my life and how to trust divine timing.
DEVELOPING YOUR OWN ROUTINE
This chapter will be a guidebook for readers. Questions to ask yourself to meet yourself authentically and ways to protect your magic.
It’s not perfect but it’s a start. I am fighting back the urge to throw it all in the trash. Because I don’t like talking about hard things. And I don’t know how to write a book proposal. I feel like I’m just throwing spaghetti at the wall. Still, I’m learning a little more every day to stay in the fight. If I’ve learned anything in writing this, it’s that the magic always happens at exactly the right time.
That’s really all I’ve got right now.
Love y’all. Mean it.